An email I received today…

I, like many others, question myself, my art, what I’m doing and where I’m at in my life every day.  These are the moments that affirm I’m on the right path, doing what I was put here to do.  

To the author of this email (who’s anonymity I shall protect)…Thank you.

xoxo

Sho

“… . .Last week I started my 4th year in college. Taking what? Your guess is as good as mine. Random stuff. I never did find my “new calling” there. I decided this past summer that I’d finish up one more year at this current college, and then maybe I’d go to photography school… or something. (I currently do photography on the side of teaching dance… thought maybe that’d work out for me.) So anyways, this past Thursday (3rd day of school), I’m sitting in my last class of the day, a 100-level Psychology packed to walls with people. Not enough table space, and according to the prof, two people over the registered limit, plus 18 on the waitlist who were still showing up with hopes of somehow managing to get in. So we’re sitting there, talking about something, and I can’t focus. All I think about is “What the fuck am I doing here?” And as all this internal dialogue is going on inside my head, I’m looking around at all these people who want to be there, and I couldn’t help but think “What right do I have to take a spot away from one of them?” And furthermore, “What right do I have to deny myself of what I really want to do?” I didn’t want to do that. I didn’t want to sit in a classroom. I didn’t want to be a Psychologist or a Biologist or an English major (a writer?) or a nurse or a Sociologist (is that even a thing?) - I don’t know, those were just some of the classes I was taking. I just wanted to be a fucking performer.

You once said:

“I believe in taking risks; I don’t believe in making decisions based on fear.” 

“No one is exactly who you are. No one can do what you can do the way that you can do it. So why on earth would you try to be like someone else? I mean it’s just robbing the world of what you were put here for.”

And,

“Whatever you plan or dream to do, do it now and don’t wait. Whatever it is holding you back or standing in your way, learn from it, heal it, forgive it, and press on.”

I literally stopped writing notes, and thought “She is so fucking right.” I also thought “My mom is going to kill me”, but you also once said in an interview “I know so many people whose families do not support them. Is that a reason not to do it? Absolutely not. Would it be better if you had their support? Absolutely.”… and then you said some other stuff about it, but the main thing that stuck out was that, if you do have that support system - lean on it… if you don’t - fuels the fire. Press on.

I went home and told my mom I was dropping out of school and I was going to follow my heart and (finally, for the love of God) go after what I truly, all this time, wanted to do. She was pissed, to say the least, but for the first time, I didn’t care. Like I honestly, 100%, did not give a fuck. And I told her that. And I went online (oh, technology)… and I dropped all my classes.

I’m done with comparing myself to other people. I’m no longer going to make decisions based on fear. It’s time to start taking risks and falling down and getting back up (and falling down and getting back up again and again and again)… and learning and LIVING. As of today, I’m getting back to Jazz and Ballet classes to get my technique up again. I’m starting voice lessons to become more versatile. I’m getting a job and saving my money so I can move outta this joint and start auditioning in bigger cities. (I live on an island in Canada.) I’m doing this shit for real. No turning back.

You’ve made me realize that you’ve only got one shot at life, and it is way too short to be not be doing what makes you happy. So thank you… for metaphorically kicking my ass, and literally changing my life. We’ve never met and I’ve never seen you perform anything live before, but next summer I’m going to be in LA, and I’m going to come to one of your shows and I’m going to shake your damn hand… because I owe you a lot. *Cue the cheese* You’re my hero Superhero. But like, for real though. Thank you.”